Matthew Henry John Bartlett

This was in an ‘NPC souvenir’ edition of The Press

I know this will get all you one-eyed Wellingtonians up in arms… I wouldn’t be surprised if Rueben Thorne gets picked for the All Blacks squad to tour Europe. He has had a very solid NPC and played well in the final. His replacement in the All Blacks last year, Jono Gibbes, has not had a great season. I think Thorne would be a good back up for Jerry Collins who has to be the number one blindside flanker in NZ right now.

A combined Reformed Church rugby team will be tackling (excuse the pun/cliche) a team from The Street this Saturday (25 September) at 12:30pm at Evans Bay Park. Come one, come all! Scream, shout, or nervously chew your nails as these two denominations battle it out for the title of Top Denomination in Wellington (well, not really…in fact I think The Street is non-denominational). Inter Reformed Church quarrels will be laid aside. Rugby will act as the glue of love that binds our churches together. Players from Wellington will reach between the legs of Silverstream members in a scrum of unity. South African shorts will be lovingly grasped by Dutch hands. Canadians will also take part in some sort of powerful metaphor. Various other forms of symbolism will be bandied about. Bring a handkerchief folks, this one’s gonna be a tear jerker.

Warmest regards,
Captain T J Sterne

On the halves debate: One of the principle arguements against the Mehrtens/Marshall combination is the fact that they have never won us a World Cup. Fact: Mehrts and Marshall have never played together in World Cup finals. 87 – they weren’t around. 91 – ditto. 95 – Graeme Bachop was halfback. 99 – Byron Keheller played in the infamous semi-final loss to France. 2003 – Marshall didn’t finish the game after being taken out by George Smith, and Mehrts wasn’t even there.

The All Blacks treated New Zealand to an exquisitely titillating performance on Saturday. I can not think of anything to critisise. Unfortunately the English School Girls XV could have been more challenging opposition. The Poms did not do the English rose proud, they played like a bunch of pansies. Some of the tackles on Joe Rokocoko were about as effective as a slap in the face with a wet flannel. What a shame they didn’t play like that 6 months ago.
The worst part of the game was the 3 Sport commentary. Quote, Hamish McKay: “3 Sport, bringing you free to air coverage. We don’t charge you, and the All Blacks charge all over the opposition”…what a cunning linguist.

The chosen All Black squad is perfect. Highlight for me was the inclusion of Mehrts and Nick Evans. The only player I believe is lucky to be there is Muliaina who was only picked because of the distinct lack of good quality fullbacks in this country.
The more I see of Graham Henry, the more I think John Mitchell was a complete (expletive). See John, talking to the media like a normal person isn’t that hard!

Here’s my starting XV after watching the trial:
Kees Mueews
Andrew Hore
Greg Somerville
Chris Jack
Jono Gibbes
Jerry Collins
Richie McCaw
Xavier Rush
Justin Marshall
Andrew Mehrtens
Daniel Carter
Tana Umaga
Joe Rococoko
Doug Howlett
Nick Evans

The Canterbury Crusaders will win the Super 12 final on Saturday night. Stirling Mortlock is out for ACT and there are two other injury clouds hovering over their training camp, while Canterbury has a full contigent. Crucial.

The Black Caps are touring that place where the queen lives at the moment. Anybody slightly interested in cricket will be thrilled to know that the king , Shane Bond, is back in action and in scintillating form leading in to the first test. How can you not be filled with awe and wonder when you see that man in action? His perfect bowling technique leading to breath taking pace and accuracy sends a chill down the spine of any onlooker (apart from most of the people who read Matt’s blog). Shane Bond provided me with one of my most beautiful memories when he ripped the Australians apart in 2002, I look forward to seeing him in all his magnificence as he destroys the Poms next week.

All of you who don’t care about sport, read no further. Unless of course, you want to admire my writing skills.
It’s semi-finals time in the Super 12. Tonight (Saturday) Crusaders v Stormers, Brumbies v Chiefs.
The Crusaders Stormers game will be tight. While the Crusaders have not been playing like a team who has won the Super 12 four times, I really can’t see them losing to a South African team playing away from home and under pressure. No South African team has ever won the competition and tonight will see their only finals contender bite the dust of Jade Stadium.
The Chiefs Brumbies game will be the match all of NZ (apart from most of the people who read Matt’s blog) will be watching. If Waikato wins they will be one step closer to a fairy tale finish to the season. I doubt this will happen. They lost last week to the Brumbies on their home turf, and it is unlikely that result will be reversed. The Chiefs don’t have finals experience or the game breakers to beat an on-fire Brumbies side.
The final next week will be Crusaders v Brumbies in Canberra. The way that game goes will be influenced strongly by who can stay injury free tonight.

So, the world cup is in the northern hemisphere now. Saturday was such an emotional rollercoaster. I started watching the game supporting Australia, simply because they’re in our hemisphere and ‘downunder’ and ANZAC, etc etc. But after watching George Gregan for about ten minutes I quickly turned into an England supporter. (OK, it wasn’t quite a roller coaster). Maybe it’s the fact he just does not stop talking to the ref for the entire game, maybe it’s the fact I could lip read what he yelled at Kelleher in the semi, or maybe it’s simply because he looks like a chocolate covered scorched almond, whatever it is, I just can’t stand him. I can’t say I was happy to see the Poms kissing the cup (in fact it sickened me), but it was better than seeing any Aussie hold it. The Poms were deserved victors. Interesting statistic: The English ended the tournament scoring one less try than the Aussies. Nobody can say they played boring rugby. Let’s face it, the ABs wouldn’t have had a show of winning that game if they were there. Not enough experience, not enough big forwards and nobody who can kick drop goals. The English are definitely the best side in the world.
Discuss.

the all blacks lost another semi final

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the all blacks lost to australia on sat. It was a game which must have done wonders for the new zealand marijuana economy as rugby fans all tried to escape the horrible reality of it all. Aaaaaah!
Anyway, something drastic is bound to happen in nz rugby. Here are a couple of suggestions:
1) Fire john mitchell. All his crap about a ‘journey’ obviously didn’t work. Beyond that facade of being the stereo typical dumbarse lock forward, i wonder if he’s actualy clever enough to regret not picking mehrtens and cullen ( i love hindsight). Someone like merhts who can actualy kick drop goals could’ve come in handy when we couldn’t score tries. john, there’s being ‘different’ and ‘controversial’, then there’s just being plain ‘stoopid’!
2) I heard this wonderful concept on radio sport when i woke up this morning…Richie McCaw for captain. I concur. The ab’s problem over the last five years has been that none of the captains were actualy the best in their positions. Richie definitely is and he leads by example.
Discuss.